Your Brain on Sex book

I am currently reading a book called "Your Brain on Sex" by Stanley Siegel with Alyssa Siegel as a contributor.
I am almost done with the book. The book discusses sex and how deeply it relates to a person. The concept behind the book is that how we view sex (what we find desirable) is related to how we internalized fearful and uncomfortable experiences from childhood. In a direct way we attempt to do "duplicate" the uncomfortable situation in sexual fantasies. The difference from the uncomfortable feelings that we experienced as a child to a sexual fantasy as an adult is that we can have a choice and voice in it. For example if a person often felt alone as a child. Parents may have been neglectful in some ways, emotionally absent, or never physically home. People with these kinds of experiences may desire tender love and fantasize about finding a soul mate and being loved softly and romantically. Another example is a person who has been in a very controlling home may find themselves attracted to domineering and aggressive sexual roles: whether they are the domineering one or their partner is. There are many other examples and of course many people will find a unique combination of what is sexually gratifying for them.
Building on this, the author guides the reader into how filling these fantasies with a trustworthy partner can be healing. The healing comes from the first doing some soul searching into what true and honest fantasies are. Whatever these may be one must be as open and non-judgmental as possible for complete success. Indeed the partner must be open as well in this way.
The awareness of what our desire mean alone can begin healing from childhood experiences. For some they have found a trustworthy and loving partner to fill the fantasy with and take their own journey with too.
As I read this book, it has occurred to me that perhaps this is why some pornography stars find themselves initially attracted to the industry. I am sure this is not the case for everyone of them but for some of these men and/or women, I believe that this may be the case. Without knowing it these people have attempted to make sense of their childhood with sex.
Similar to a mirror, people attempt to replay experiences in their lives for many reasons. They may feel most comfortable with what is familiar. Other times they desire to find healing by creating a different outcome from similar to the original circumstances. Still some may have been sexually abused and attempting to make sense of this too.
I am not supporting pornography in this way but what I am offering is another perspective on the functionality of pornography. While there is still debates on why pornography is such a successful industry when it demoralizes women so much. As a women seeing this kind of abuse to women, I do wonder why this is even seen as options to make money? I wonder what could possibly make someone turned on by this or what would make this job look appealing.
I believe that the author of this book may be onto something much deeper. Sex is incredibly powerful. Not only does it create the most intense vulnerability but it taps into feelings we may not realize we had. I remember seeing a movie where a woman confronted a man she had been romantically involved with and she said, "You never say I am beautiful or touch me...You are only tender when we make love." I think the point she was trying to make is that when someone has sex they can tap into a completely different part of themselves: parts that they may deny in their day to day life, parts where they have hidden away...etc.
For some this becomes a way to "numb out" the painful experiences from childhood. What Siegel is suggesting in his book is that we can only make sense of what sex means for each of us personally when we take the time to dig into it. He encourages his readers along a path he calls "intelligent lust." This is where we discover our fantasies and feelings about sex. Then we can connect similar feelings with childhood experiences and see how these link up in a larger picture. That larger picture being how we have attempted to "heal" or make sense of uncomfortable childhood experiences through sexual encounters or lack there of. Siegel says that if we can bring awareness to ourselves in this way and then find partner to share this vulnerability with (and they in turn do the same) that sex can bring a kind of powerful healing and growth from our past.
I would venture to say that anyone in the pornography industry has some unresolved issues that need some attention at some point in time. I don't necessarily mean the cliche of having "daddy issues." I definitely think think this works for all the levels of people: the men actors, the women actors, the producers...so on and so forth.
Because sex is really such a fundamental part of our lives: it is the deepest expression of love and vulnerability, it is the beginning of life.... It really is a beautiful thing when in certain healthy and functional contexts. It is something that is meaningful for everyone and anyone. It is the most physical expression of our internal being.