The gay and lesbian community is one that I feel ignorant about. I have had direct experience with race, gender, and class issues. However, I have felt uninformed about the lesbian and gay communities. I grew up in a home that was very religious and taught the idea of sinfulness regarding homosexual behaviors and lifestyles. As I have gotten older I have found myself meeting wonderful people who live the homosexual lifestyle. I have held wonderful conversations and one of my good friends is a lesbian. She ironically came from the same church that I grew up in and that is how our friendship started many years ago (before she came out.) It may seem a surprise that I mention that I have seen wonderful qualities come from people of the lesbian and gay community. But one must understand my upbringing and the ideas that were very well ingrained about how "different" and "to be feared these people are." While I truly believe I have no room to judge anyone, it is something that many religions seem to have pegged as the unforgivable sin: as the church I grew up in did as well.
It would come to no surprise then when my youngest sister came out less than two years ago that some in the family did not know how to respond. I was always so close to my sister growing up. She and I were best friends for many years: invading each others privacy on a regular basis, knowing every detail about each other and then some. I was honored that I was the first to know but I still wasn't sure what kind of support she needed or to give her. I attempted to be supportive to her and I verbalize my loyalty and love for her.
Still my mother took it the worst. She, a devout Christian woman, found herself tangled: she loves my sister very much but doesn't agree with her lifestyle choice. In later heated discussions, she mentioned the bible and verses to support her beliefs. I understand this is difficult for my mother the most and I also sympathize with her cluelessness on how to be loving in ways that my sister is receptive to.
Though not every family takes the news of one of its members coming out so harshly or unsure, I think many still do. I find myself increasingly drawn to gay and lesbian activities, documentaries, communities and so forth. I feel a sort of kinship with them as if in some way it will help me be a better sister and friend to my childhood best friend. Since she has come out, she has drifted away from the family and I hope that this kind of drifting and separation is only a phase. She has said that she only feels comfortable in gay and lesbian arenas more than any other environment (including with me or any other family member).
The documentary and many others like it remind me of my sister and her struggle. I watch these kinds of things intently hoping that I will find some gem of information that will change something in the way I communicate with her.
The truth is I think this is a battle that may not be won soon. There is a great amount of sensitivity with it because of its large taboo from society for so long now. It hasn't been until recently that people have become more aware of it and a bit more open. Even the openness that has been accomplished towards it has been limited. As we saw in the documentary (Further off the Straight and Narrow 2006), even the portrayal of gays and lesbians holds specific guidelines as to how in depth producers will go. They mentioned the idea of the "good gay/lesbian" and those characters that deviate from it are presented as a joke. The "good" gay is tame, well-mannered, clean, stylish, and wealthy. There is no room for lower class or unfashionable or boisterousness. The best example they showed was the paradox of the two characters on Will and Grace.Will follows the guidelines of a "good gay." He is intelligent, well to do, mild mannered, and conservative in his sex life. Jack is the complete opposite. He is loud, obnoxious, unclassy, careless, and his sex life is more out in the open. In this ways Will seems almost as if he is not gay at all. He has a platonic relationship with Grace that could almost represent a romantic relationship. The only thing their relationship does not have is sex in it. Good gays are conventional. They are conventionally masculine or feminine in their right so in other words they appear as if they are not gay at all. Consequently Jack does not fit this role and he is a joke in the show. He is delusional about his talent, appears to be an idiot most of the time, and is typically out of touch with reality. Will is more palatable. He is easier for society to accept and that's why he is presented in a conservative way. The "extreme" gay is not acceptable and is much more difficult for society to accept.
Whats interesting to me is that even before media outrightly used gay/lesbian characters, there was subtle expressions of gayness. These subtle expressions were ways that marketers could target gay audiences without losing profits from their heterosexual customers. From a marketers stand point this is a really smart move to make. Similar to the advertising biases seen with people of color, when companies use gay/lesbians celebrities or characters to market products, audiences automatically segregate themselves. Meaning straight audiences feel as if they can not relate to the show or product and discontinue use or view of it. A similar effect happened with people of color. If marketers used a black or Hispanic or even Arab person to sell a product or on as the main star of their television show, audiences or consumers that did not associate with the face (selling the product) saw the product as an "ethnic product" (not for their use).
Disney is one of the companies that has done this well. They target to the gay/lesbian market by having a fundraising event for AIDS or "Gay Day." In addition they have used characters in movies and songs to subtly relate to the gay/lesbian market. The texts mentions two examples: one from Aladdin ("You never had a friend like me") and the Lion King scene with Timon doing the hula. I have added the links below.
http://youtu.be/sVRXtalL5MI
http://youtu.be/Ju-E4ULsPFk
However, according to those on the documentary and those on the panel discussion Wednesday from UWP LGBTQ there seems to be unanimous gladness about the "publicity" of gays/lesbians in media. Most seem to agree that it is simply a step in the right direction that they are even being noticed and validated in media; whereas before there was subtle text. They seem to recognize that this step can lead to opportunities to expose more of the multifaceted realities of their lives. Television shows like Modern Family show proof of this. There is a more openness to the possibility of gays/lesbians.
Not only are they being embraced by members of society but the expectations of them are widening. Gays/lesbians are no longer restricted to the ideas of "good gays" or "extreme (unacceptable but the butt of jokes) gays." Also, just as importantly to mention is the idea of gays being included on the "sex" talk. Since homosexuality is about sex itself, it would make sense that this would also be a topic that is uncovered with the "rights" of gays otherwise. Previously, in the media the gay kiss was metaphorical for sex. Viewers could assume that if there was a gay couple kissing then they must have had sex as well. Now there are more scenes that show gay sex. In Glee, there was an episode where a young teen was contemplating losing his virginity to his male partner. The focus of the show was on his decision making to lose his virginity, not on his choice of who to lose it to. While this seems like a weird thing to celebrate, it shows that society has been expanding its borders. Audiences are becoming more comfortable and accepting of gays and ultimately their lifestyle.
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